why am i so bummed about not earning enough? i really feel like life's not being fair to me. i deserve more - that i am sure of. i shouldn't be in a hurry, i should put in more work, extend my patience. i tell these to myself everyday i force myself to wake up and go to work. for over a year, there have been some trying times. and this is one of them. knowing people who've gone abroad and found success, i can't help but feel sorry for myself for not being brave enough to do the same. i just can't leave my life behind. and most especially, i can't be away from chusy. i used to think that i shouldn't worry about ryan because i was sure he'll come with me. but now, he's gained success on his own and i wouldn't want to cut it short. so i won't impose anything on him when it comes to working overseas. i'm so proud of what he's achieved now. :) i hope i can say the same for myself. i am a product of a dysfunctional family and i do not plan on having another one. i want my family to be complete. running away from this god-forsaken country won't help, it'll just make matters worse. i dunno how long i'll have to wait. but i'm sure as hell that i deserve so much more. i don't mean to brag but i know who i am and what i can offer. i hope that somewhere out there, someone will see me as a big fish in a pond where only brainless worms exist.
