i hate goodbyes

well i guess everyone does. but not as much as i do. everyone can tell that i am overly sensitive. i could never deny that no matter how hard i try. it's bad enough that i'm feeling sick today, what made it worse was that nasty comment. i guess it was just a misunderstanding. but i was hurt whichever way you put it. i am a person with very low self-esteem. i haven't accomplished much in life that i could be proud of. so yes, i am very insecure. i tend to keep to myself and open up only to carefully chosen people, those i could surely trust. well, today was supposed to be happy. but it went kinda awful.

it's true what peyton sawyer said: people always leave. you cannot count on them to be there for you forever. one day, you'll find yourself all alone and it's sad and frustrating and it will almost make you wanna give up but you gotta stand on your own feet and deal with it. otherwise you will lose it all. everything you've worked hard for. yes, it's difficult. yes, things may kinda go crazy. you will probably cry in front of people or choose to hide your emotions. but either way, you'll have to deal with it on your own. you're lucky if you have a family like mine. they always make me wanna bring out the best in me despite the challenges that come my way.

i hate goodbyes.

i wish there never was any of it in this world. but what kind of world is that? if everything was perfect, then there'd be no motivation left in our souls to keep going. so i guess obstacles are what we really need for us grow as individuals.

the search for the right keyboard

last week i bought a new keyboard for my tv use. since it was the notebook type, i thought it would be much better since i'm used to my laptop keys. however, the keys were designed in a said a-shape because the human hand is supposed to be positioned that way, not the straight way we've all gotten used to. so i practiced using it while i facebooked all day long taking care of my farm and while keeping myself updated with all the news about my family and friends. however, i found myself kinda tired by forcing my hand to stay that way for me to be able to press the right keys as i typed. also, the fact that it wasn't positioned properly since it wasn't elbow-level made it even harder for me. so before the weekend, i planned to have it replaced by the standard keyboard that my hands have grown accustomed to especially now i have been using the standard one at the office.

i came back to the store to look for a replacement however, they didn't have one. so i decided to purchase something that isn't branded from cdr-king. it's cheap and i don't think i would mind that much if it didn't work out between the two of us. hehehe. as for the replacement issue, my mom got new creative speakers in exchange for my initial keyboard purchase. so much for farmville on my tv, i had to go through long lines just to find the "perfect" keyboard which i don't think exists. hahahaha.

my mom and i grabbed some food before we left the mall and here i am now, writing a blog just for the sake of testing my new brand-less keyboard from cdr-king. i hope it lives for at least a year or so. hahahaha.

that's about it. i'm hoping for a great day ahead. cheers! ;)

ps: these cuties would have made my day. hahahahaha. can someone give me one of these please? hehehehe. :)

i'm mad, yes i am - coz you're a bitch, yes you are

to y'all bitches who don't seem to treat me right, i've had enough. now y'all must get the treatment you deserve. i've been nice to y'all, still you treat me like shit. i smile all the time to encourage you to smile back but to no avail. this isn't high school. this is real life for christ's sake. damn. didn't you know it takes more muscles to frown than to smile? plus the fact that it's just plainly much more pleasant than bitching around. i just don't get it. y'all aren't even great yet. great ones are expected to have unreachable egos. but you? heck no. must i put you in the right place or shall you do it yourselves? humility gets you to places. admit your mistakes and don't dare to cover them up and rant about irrelevant shit just deviate from the main subject. i'm no hater, you are. i do not want to live through the day when i'll have to please you when it obviously makes me wanna vomit. trust me, i won't be there to save your ass. i'll just let you fall flat on your face to make you realize how a bad a person you've become. maybe then you'll wake up one morning and decide to fix your life. i, too, can wear pretty clothes, carry expensive bags, walk the walk and talk the talk. i don't even need to put that much make-up, and i'll be better off than you. so just quit it. - just some mad thoughts *peace*

today's recap

i woke up to ryan's call saying he's on his way. i was still so sleepy and wanted to rest for a few more minutes but i remembered i better harvest to maximize the time on farmville. i'm currently so addicted to it, now that i can see my farm growing hahaha. at first i didn't think i would like it, i remember kunie urging me to try out farmtown, but then i found farmville better. so that was what i did the moment i woke up. i turned on my pc and harvested then planted some more to be harvested when i get home after our happy date.

he got here in no time, i wasn't even ready yet. so he played with chusy while waiting for me. then we were off to lunch. he suggested we eat at charbroiled here in bf. so we ordered our usual fave stuff. then off to atc. we bumped into raisa and ula at the cinemas. they were going to see the ugly truth. i wanted to watch that movie too but due to time constraints, i decided not to. i was planning to go to the salon and i need an hour or two for that. most importantly, i wanted to do some endless window shopping. yes, just window shopping. i don't have much money so this is all i can do. torture myself even more by looking at the things i want to buy but can't at the moment. hahaha. poor shane...

anyway, we went to town for ryan's manga. they didn't have it at the fort so he wanted to check it out here. he was able to buy what he needed pero sayang kasi i din't have my discount card. next time i'm with him, i will never leave it at home. hahaha. sayang din kasi. hahahaha. here i go again, the kuripot me. then we looked at the new cellphones. omg. i badly wanted a new one. but i knew i had no choice. i had to save if i wanted to go to korea next year. yes, that's my ultimate short-term goal. korea. and bangkok take 3 on the side, just for shopping. hahaha. i need to save at least 5 grand each month in preparation for those trips. so i really don't think i would be able to buy a new cellphone for now.

as usual, ryan went to datablitz to check out "those games" while i checked out the price of a wireless keyboard and mouse. it was over my budget so i settled for the wired one. it's just for the tv anyway. i have a laptop but i wanted a separate keyboard to be used for my tv while playing my upsized farmville on our 32" and 40" lcd tvs. hahaha. the luxury of life. this is what i do during weekends. i download and watch tv series and facebook all day long. and if i have some time left, i would ask my mom to go to the mall with me during saturdays coz sundays are reserved for ryan hahaha.

then off to sm for the cellophane treatment. my hair didn't change much. it was still black with just a hint of some orangey thing. it was labeled tangerine and i was sorta scared that i might look like a clown after the treatment but it's as if nothing happened. my hair just felt softer and a bit shinier. still, i wanted some more color. so i plan to have my hair colored in decemeber. i do not mind spending some for things like these. but i really need to stick to my monthly budget if i want to get to korea.

we got home and ate pizza, played with chusy then ryan had to go. aww, til next weekend. overall, it was a fine day. i got to do the things that i planned for and i guess i'm ready for the work-week ahead. wish me luck! ;)

what's up

surprisingly, i'm feeling good about what i do. and i think things are getting better. i have to keep this up. i need to make something of myself. to turn myself into someone that my family would surely be proud of. i think i'm headed to the right direction. i almost gave up much too soon. but thanks to my mom, she made me go for it.

anyway, ryan and i are handling the new pattern pretty well. meaning, our usual daily / every-other-day togetherness has now been replaced by weekly bonding. at first, even thinking about it is depressing but now i guess i've gotten used to it. plus, we are able to save much more! :) although we splurge each time we see each other knowing that we haven't gone out the entire week, i guess it's more practical than our routine back when i didn't have work. despite all this, we haven't grown apart. we're still ryan and shane who share true love :)

on a different note, i really think kim bum is super cute. i didn't really go crazy over him while watching boys over flowers because i had my eyes on kim hyunjoong. but seeing him on tv here in manila made me think, "damn, he's cute!" while others are going gaga over lee min ho, i remained loyal to ji hoo but now i'm quite torn because of kim bum's smile hahaha.




what the heck, he's just a kid. he's like just 20. hahaha. but maja is super lucky to have him as a partner for a commercial. i'll definitely watch out for that. when i was a kid, i used to be a super fan of boybands with all those cute/handsome guys. now that i'm 22, i can't believe i haven't changed a bit. well, i'm no longer a fan of those that i used to like. my current eye candies would have to be the guys from boys over flowers. hahaha. i kinda wish they all went to manila but i'm relieved they didn't send kim hyunjoong to be paired with maja. i would have died of jealousy. hahaha. ryan please don't get mad. they're cute, yes. but i love only you. hahahahaha. sobrang cheezy kuya ayan. anyway. i just had to write something otherwise i would have exploded with all these thoughts about the cute members of f4.

i feel like a loser now for everything that i've written here but who cares? hahaha it's really a great show. watch it and you'll see what i mean. hahahahaha. gotta go gotta go see yah :) wish me luck!