Big Fish

why am i so bummed about not earning enough? i really feel like life's not being fair to me. i deserve more - that i am sure of. i shouldn't be in a hurry, i should put in more work, extend my patience. i tell these to myself everyday i force myself to wake up and go to work. for over a year, there have been some trying times. and this is one of them. knowing people who've gone abroad and found success, i can't help but feel sorry for myself for not being brave enough to do the same. i just can't leave my life behind. and most especially, i can't be away from chusy. i used to think that i shouldn't worry about ryan because i was sure he'll come with me. but now, he's gained success on his own and i wouldn't want to cut it short. so i won't impose anything on him when it comes to working overseas. i'm so proud of what he's achieved now. :) i hope i can say the same for myself. i am a product of a dysfunctional family and i do not plan on having another one. i want my family to be complete. running away from this god-forsaken country won't help, it'll just make matters worse. i dunno how long i'll have to wait. but i'm sure as hell that i deserve so much more. i don't mean to brag but i know who i am and what i can offer. i hope that somewhere out there, someone will see me as a big fish in a pond where only brainless worms exist.

Off to Vietnam!

I'll be flying out again on Monday. Yes! I love to travel. Someday I'll be so rich and fly to Europe. Yeah!

One for September

I haven't written anything in a while. So here goes...

So far, so good. I have not encountered any trouble this month. Whew! In fact, I am so excited. I have dropped a few pounds and I'm so relieved that I'm now out of the overweight range. Look, I am serious this time. I will try to do weekly runs with Nicole, my friendly officemate, who encouraged me to run for 1 hour straight, no stops at all - except for that one moment when a lady asked for directions and we had to jog in place while saying we don't have any idea. Hahaha. I'll probably run with her again this week if my workload doesn't get in the way. I have straightened my hair, finally. I could no longer take having permed hair. I'm glad it's over but I'm a bit depressed for having Ryan spend another huge amount for the sake of my vanity. Wub chu!

Anyway, Ryan has asked about my ring size! That's like a huge deal. He also asked the whereabouts of some jewelry stores saying he's already looking into the price range of diamond rings! Oh God! Am I getting married soon? Maybe not so soon. He's just the type of guy who looks so much further into the future, and that's what I love about him. I know we are not getting married yet, but I am certain that I have already found the one - ehem!

He is every girl's dream guy - sweet, caring, thoughtful, and most importantly, he doesn't talk back. Hahaha. He's just my type of guy besides Kim Hyun Joong, Jang Geun Suk, and Jung Yong Hwa. :)

What else? The year is about to end. I'll be turning 24 in 8 months, I feel wrinkles are starting to form on my face - eww! I'm getting so old! Now I understand why women are so bothered with wrinkles. All else is good about my life. I'll be going to Vietnam in 40 days and I am super looking forward to that. I can finally use my new luggage which I specifically bought for my 2nd trip to Seoul scheduled on March 2011. Too eager eh? Well, that's all I can share for now.

Tata!

Optimism

I woke up today having a new-found optimism. I'm usually frustrated as to how things are going but today, I feel different. I managed to hold down a job for a year now and I feel relieved that I have finally proven to myself that I can do it. But there's more to that. Having done so made me realize that I could do whatever I want if I just put my heart into it and never give up. God gave us no limits as to what we can try to achieve. We are the ones who put up our own boundaries. Life isn't easy so we need to work harder and harder each time. I am happy now but I know I could be happier.

I wanna do a lot of other things. I wanna be an excellent photographer not really for the money but for the joy it brings when I capture some really precious moment of other people's lives. I wanna learn how to cook, because someday I'll have kids to feed. I wanna improve my music. I always thought it was a dead end but who knows? Hehehehe. I wanna start my own business. Something I could proudly call my own. I wanna be able to make my own decisions and be happy for the outcome or learn from all the consequences it may bring. I wanna lose weight. Yes, I am fat. Fatter than ever. I'm depressed for not being able to wear my clothes because they no longer fit me. But I'm not about to give them away just yet. I will try hard to get back in shape. I am a fighter and I will win this battle over gluttony. Hahaha. Wish me luck.

And most importantly, I wanna travel the world, see it for what it is and learn from all the experience. In order to do this, I must save, a whole lot. I've always wanted to be rich and famous but I guess I'm dropping the hope for fame now and concentrate on being wealthy instead. Hahaha. I do not wish for millions of money, I just want what's enough for me and my family so we can live a comfortable life just like how my parents did for all of us.

I could get angry at the world sometimes but that's not the point. The point is, I could never appreciate success if I was never put down. So thanks to y'all who've caused me pain and suffering. I feel better now in hopes of getting back at you someday. Peace!

I wanna run away.

I want to leave. Run. As far away as my feet could take me. But when I think about leaving everything behind, I begin to question myself - is it what I really want? I don't want to leave anything. I wish I could take 'em all and start a new life. In a new place. In a new environment. I love challenge. I love new things. I love starts but I hate endings. So I guess I'm stuck.

OMG!!! SS501!!!

I WAS UPLOADING OLD PICTURES FROM OUR TRIPS TO THAILAND A FEW YEARS AGO AND I WAS SURPRISED THAT I HAD A PHOTO WITH AN SS501 EVENT POSTER AS MY BACKGROUND. I WASN'T AWARE OF THIS UNTIL NOW. WE WERE THERE FROM MAY 16-19, 2008 AND ACCORDING TO THE POSTER, THE EVENT WAS ON MAY 31. I WOULD HAVE DIED IF IT WAS HELD DURING THE PERIOD OF OUR STAY. HOLY SHIT, WE REALLY ARE MEANT TO BE. HAHAHAHAHA. KHJ, PLEASE COME TO ME. OTHERWISE, I'LL FIND A WAY TO COME TO YOU! stalker much? sarang-hae-yo!!!

I hate LTO

What a way to ruin my birthday. I went there with my lolo to renew my license exactly on its expiry date - May 13, 2010. This is because I had no time to do this earlier - busy with work, and other stuff. So when I got there, we waited for the employees to arrive and open the office but we were told that their system was offline. WTF. I had it all planned. I would spend my morning there and celebrate afterwards. We were asked to take the medical exam and the drug test then come back once their system goes online. We did just that. But they were offline the entire day... good thing we didn't wait. The next day, I didn't bother to come coz I had work. Then Monday came and while I was at the office, I received a message from my mom that LTO was back to business. So I filed one day VL for today just for that. I can't not have my license coz I drive a lot. It was nice that my bosses allowed me. Yey! Pero sana nag half day nalang ako coz I got my license at around 9am since I didn't have to go through the medical and drug test again.

And oh, I know, mahilig ang LTO mangotong. But I didn't expect that their doctor would do the same. He said to my lolo that he failed the medical exam coz of his high BP and that he had to make "lagay". Oh I just wanna slap him hard on the face. Grr. Had I known that, I would have done so. By the time we were in the car, that's when my lolo told me. I hate him. How could a doctor do such a thing? Pipichugin na doctor sha. No wonder nasa LTO lang sha. He didn't even do the entire medical exam procedure on me. He just asked me a couple of nonsense questions and checked my weight and height. Kung mejo mas maliit pa siguro ako sa height ko na to hihingian din nya ako ng lagay coz I'm not tall enough to drive. I hate him!!!

Happy bday, Shane! Relax. ;)

I finally permed my hair!!!

I woke up yesterday with a sudden urge - to get myself real curls. So I waited for Ryan and rushed to T&J. I spent another huge amount of money on this one but I really needed a change. So there. See the results. ;) My mom wasn't happy about it and thought I did better curls with my curling iron but what can I do? It's done! Happy mother's day, Mommy! Hehehehe.

I must be on the road to success...

The first quarter of this year has just ended and I feel like I want to start a new life - something different and exciting, something more challenging. I have always stayed within my comfort zone because I was afraid to get hurt by stepping out of it. With my recent trips, I realized there's just so much more to experience. So much more to conquer, and if I don't start now, I won't be able to experience the world fully. To do this, I need resources and support - encouragement that I'd be able to succeed.

I have set too many boundaries before and now I'm taking them down. I know there's just so much more out there and I wanna prepare myself for the big change. I'm not a little girl anymore so I wanna be free. I know it's sad and it can get frustrating at times but you gotta do what you gotta do. People ought to take some chances at some point, otherwise their lives will be filled with nothing but regret. Wishing they had done it but chose not to. I don't wanna have any regrets. I wanna live fully. I wanna do so many things and I think there won't be much time left if I keep this up.

Many will question me for this decision, but hey, this isn't final yet. Things can change within this year - we've gone through only 1/4 of it. The rest is up to God. I know he'll take me places because I deserve it. Clearly, I know it's gonna be a difficult journey to success but I'm willing to sacrifice because I'm sure that I will reap countless rewarding experiences afterwards.

No one ever chooses the path to failure, but somehow, along the road to success, you lose your way and end up sobbing because life turned out to be that hard and swept you away to the other side leaving you helpless and empty-handed. I really hope this doesn't happen to me.

My Unforgettable Trip to South Korea

My friend and I booked a flight to Incheon almost 5 months ago. It was an impulse purchase. We didn't have any guardians - not that we're not legally considered as adults, but because we felt we were going to a strange place, just me and her. I was ecstatic, and counted the days til our trip. I started wanting to travel to Korea since the Boys Over Flowers phenomenon began. I loved the drama so much to the point that I wanna go and see where it happened - not the exact places they filmed at, but the country itself. I wanted to see for myself how it was like in their divided country. Koreans are genuinely nice. I do not see why they would clash with each other, hence the division of North and South. I haven't gotten into the history but taking into consideration their warmth and hospitality, I cannot understand why they would go against one another. Anyway, enough about that. I'll probably research on that later on. We got there at night and it was freezing cold at 1 degree. I was stunned. I didn't expect it was that cold even though I checked the weather forecast for our travel period. We immediately changed clothes right after getting off the plane then took a long bus ride to our hotel. It seemed like the longest walk on earth from the bus stop to our hotel because the temperature made it such a burden. Coming from the Philippines, one isn't used to this kind of cold. The most we could get is a 16 degree airconditioning system which doesn't compare to a 1 degree enviroment. I also came from Singapore before coming to Korea and it was even hotter in SG than in Manila. What a way to torture my body.

(Incheon Airport)

On our first day, we went on a mapless journey on foot. We walked and walked, shopped here and there and decided to have lunch and some rest only after 6 hours. I felt like I lost so much weight counting all the steps I must have taken for that 6 hours. We were exhausted but it was too cold therefore we didn't sweat at all. We had lunch and did some more shopping then decided to take a cab back to the hotel because we think we've lost our way and we were too tired to walk back.

(On our way to Namdaemun Market)

On day 2, we went to the Gyeongbokgung Palace, which, if I remember correctly, is the biggest one. It was tiring to try to walk around the entire place but it was beautiful. We went to see what they had in the museum for a few minutes and headed to the N Seoul Tower. It was frustrating that the cable cars didn't work that time. I so wanted to ride the cable car because of BOF - where Jan Di and Jun Pyo spent their first night together. They probably cancelled the cable car rides during that time because of safety reasons - due to the cold weather.

(Gyeongbokgung Palace)

(N Seoul Tower)

On day 3, we went to Lotte World. It was a weekend so we had to wait in long lines just to experience each ride. I would have tried everything if we went on a weekday.

(Lotte World - Magic Island)

On day 4, we went to Everland Resort. I wanted to go to this place because of We Got Married, another Korean show. My crush, Kim Hyun Joong, took the T Express with Hwang Bo so I wanted to try it myself - and I did. It was the first thing I searched for. It was awesome and I met cool friends while waiting in line. I remember the guy's name. It's Lee Sol Jae, if I spelled it right. They were very nice - he and his girlfriend. I wish I have gotten their Facebook details so we could keep in touch. Too bad I didn't.

(Everland)

(New Friends)

On day 5 which was our last day, we did some last minute shopping and my friend bought a camera. I wanted to buy too but I wanted a real camera. It was like this polaroid camera but it's Fuji. It's pink and it's cute. I could have bought one but decided not to. I felt sad leaving Seoul. I loved it so much and I wanna go back soon. And yes, just this afternoon, I booked another ticket. But it's not until next year. So I guess I'll have to wait a little longer. But surely, it's gonna be worth the wait because I'm coming with my mom and Ryan.

(On our way home... sad...)

Will try to write more about my experience in Korea soon. Tata!