FREEDOM!!!

1: the quality or state of being free: as a: the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action b: liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another : independence c: the quality or state of being exempt or released usually from something onerous <freedom from care> d: ease , facility freedom> e: the quality of being frank, open, or outspoken freedom> f: improper familiarity g: boldness of conception or execution h: unrestricted use freedom of their home> 2 a: a political right b: franchise , privilege

GUESS WHAT... I AM FREAKIN' FREE!!! YEAH!!! I'm so happy. Now I can fly like these pretty butterflies!!!

Thank God for everything. I knew from the very beginning I will get what I deserved. Thank you so much. :) Now I can celebrate the holidays on a higher note. I luvet!!! However, I'm leaving soon and I'm gonna miss him. Aww. 8 long days without him. That will be our longest time apart. Huhuhuhu. We were never away from each other for anything longer than 4 days. Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu. It's so heartbreaking. But I know I'll see him soon enough. :) After all, we can spend more time together since I'm a free girl. Weeeee!!! Happy holidays!!!

Denny Duquette Jr. (I'm so glad he's back.)

Watching Grey's Anatomy did not feel the same without Denny in it. I was heartbroken seeing Izzie lying beside his lifeless body and that Alex had to carry her off the bed because she didn't want to let go.

Their love story felt so real - like it's not just a scene of some TV show we see everyday. It made so much sense - that it could happen in real life.

I knew why Izzie fell in love with Denny. They're just meant to be. Izzie was broken and Denny was there to put herself back together. But he died and left her with millions of dollars which she decided to donate to the clinic. She was a mess then but now he's back and she refuses to believe he's real. He keeps saying he's not going anywhere but Izzie has to try to grasp her real life. I dunno what's happening, why he's back, why he feels so real to Izzie. But I'm just glad they brought him back to the show.

I really love Jeffrey Dean Morgan, seeing him in the movie P.S. I Love You made me certain that he can really make viewers fall in love with any character he portrays. :)

Amazing

I can't believe I want nothing for Christmas. It just means I have everything I want and need in my life at the moment. :)

I'm just perfectly happy and I seriously hope this doesn't stop anytime soon.

I wish the same for all of you. :)

The WEIRD Dream About Rihanna

The other night, I dreamt about Rihanna and the horrible things that happened to her after the concert. Of course, it's just a dream. Nothing bad really happened to her - at least that's what I know. It's just that it all seemed real to me. While on stage, a bunch of men surrounded her. These men were Jinggoy Estrada and his best buddies. Grabe db? Of all people in the world, sila pa talaga umepal sa panaginip ko. Hahaha. And then they tied her up with a thick rope and lifted her really high while she was screaming for dear life. She was helpless. I could almost scream as loud as she did during my sleep.

She was then dropped and I was sure she was really hurt. She managed to untie herself and began running as fast as she could but there was this one man who continued chasing after her. I saw her clinging to some cold pipes - hurting her skin while the man was eager to get a hold of her. She ran through so many other obstacles including pigs and poops. Eew right? She was so scared and kept looking back. I wish I could help her but everything I could do was to watch her fall prey to this scary man.

Suddenly, a hero came along and got a hold of her. He seemed like a giant - lifted her up and brought her back to her people. I don't know what this dream means but I was totally terrified for her. I could feel my heart pounding so hard, wishing for her to be safe. I woke up and realized it was all just a dream. Another sigh of relief. Hehehe. :)

Wild dream huh? :)

Til my next unexpected dream. ;)

PS: I wonder where Chris Brown was. Hahahaha!!! Having him there could have been so much better. Hahahaha. ;)

Hate Letter

To YOU,

I am enraged and would wish for you to die a horrible death right now, but I'm not that nice. I wouldn't want you to just die and get over all the unfairness that this world has to offer. So I'm wishing that you suffer all the tortious efforts of the evil - although it's obvious you're evil yourself. I cannot believe all the things you say and do. How could one person impose all that on another human being? You put on a mask to show everyone you're nice but apparently all you could ever be is a hypocritic SOB.

I never thought I could be this angry at another person. But you somehow made it so impossible for me to resist. You fooled me into believing that you were nice. But oh no... you're definitely not. I can be the nicest girl in the world but if one person did things to me like the way you did... well you're gonna wish you were never born. Because everyday of the rest of my existence, I'm gonna make sure you get what you deserve.

You're so pathetic - trying to ruin other people just so you could look highly of yourself. That's disgusting. And to cause harm to someone whom you think can never fight back is even way more ridiculous. How could you sleep at night??? How could you even look other people straight in the eye with your fake smile???

HOW COULD YOU??? JUST GO TO HELL AND LEAVE OTHER PEOPLE ALONE.

Twilight!!! *kilig*

Omg!!! I remember my friend Oan telling me that this book was awesome. And she would start giggling in anticipation of its movie. I couldn't help but wonder why she is spending so much time reading non-school related books when in fact, she is a law student who needs all the time in the world to finish all the readings required. So I thought to myself, she won't be sacrificing even the slightest bit of time she has on her hands if this wasn't worth her oh so precious time. She even asked me once to find her an audio book of the Twilight Saga at Ruins. Unfortunately, I didn't find any. And I guess it's so much better to read the book itself than to listen to the voice of someone else reading it for you. It somehow distorts your own imagination because the story is being influenced by the voice behind it rather than your own eyes picturing every scene as you read through the lines.

Ryan bought me the 4th book for our 9th monthsary simply because the first book was out of stock. But for our 10th month, the first book was made available once again. :) As soon as I got home, I started reading the book until I felt I needed some rest. I woke up the next day and read it again to the finish. All I can say is that... I am in love with Edward Cullen!!! Hahaha. Of course, I'm loyal to Ryan. Hehehehe. :) Seriously, he's so perfect. Apparently, there's nothing more a girl could ask for. Lucky Bella.

I cheated, you know. I read some spoilers off the internet and found out they were gonna get married and have a baby girl and that Bella will eventually be just like them - The Cullens. Well, Oan told me that most people she knew said that they didn't like the things that transpired in the other books. However, knowing that the ending would leave Edward and Bella together with their child is more than good enough for me. At least they got their fairytale's happy ending.

Anyway, I can't wait for the movie!!! I'm gonna watch it on its opening day. :) Cheers!!!

Sigh of Relief

whew! i think the sacrifice will not be for long. rather than bearing a worse consequence, i decided to just do it. i know it will not be easy for me. having more people to adjust to, those who know that i'm leaving soon... i can imagine myself running past them, trying to avoid them to have even the slightest glimpse of my shadow. hahaha. exagg!!! i can't look them in the eye without being embarrassed. but who cares? i have to go. i'm doing this for myself and i shouldn't be apologizing for that, right?

it'll be a long 30-day period i guess. but that's so much better than having to pay PXX,XXX!!! i'm like, "WTF??? WHERE ON EARTH AM I GONNA GET THAT???" hahaha. so now, i'd have to suffer for 30 days more. sacrifice starts on monday. i'm glad they accepted my change of plans. i feel bad for doing this but i just have to. i'm left with no other choice but to go straight ahead. after all, the finish line is just a month a way. wee!!! let the good times roll in january... new year, new start, new-found happiness i guess... cheers!!! :)

Riri and CB's Concert

Imagine standing outside, all lined up even before 5pm just to make sure we get a nice spot. Over 3 hours of waiting before the show started. Good thing they were on time. Cheers! People were full of so much energy when Chris performed but when it came to Rihanna's turn, people were less enthusiastic, probably because there had been almost one hour interval from Chris' performance since they had to set up the stage for Rihanna. People were restless, suddenly we were amazed by the fireworks display. I guess they put on that show just so people won't get bored while waiting for Riri.

I felt bad for Rihanna because she mentioned that she didn't expect the crowd of 70,000 people to be that quiet. I think she heard everyone screaming for Chris while she was backstage and now that it's her turn, people were like "okay".

She was great though. I don't get why the people standing next to me kept saying her performance was boring them out. I love her songs but I noticed most people did not know much of her songs. I have her albums and I sing her songs a lot. Hehehehe.

I feel sorry for her because I know she was trying her best to please the crowd but the people from my side were so harsh, saying nasty things about her. Good thing we were all the way at the back so Riri won't hear all their unnecessary side comments.

Anyway, I love Chris Brown!!! He's an excellent dancer. I want a repeat!!! Wahahaha, but I hope next time they choose Araneta instead. I hate the open field!!!

Hahahaha. That's it. I'll add more details soon. Right now, I'm sick, I have to rest. *Wink*

another mistake has been made

yeah yeah yeah

i did it one more time...

decided to walk along this path only to find out that i took yet another wrong turn...

now, i'm scared to go back, not knowing if i'll ever make it out of here alive.

so wounded. so emotionally unstable... all shaken up

what am i supposed to do?

i have to go back and start from square one.

i have to be right this time.

i just have to... can't waste any more time.

i'm holding on to dear life.

one more mistake and i'm done. seriously.

I won an Ipod Shuffle!!! :)

By playing basketball on Jobstreet, I won one and it's purple and so cute. I didn't actually play for the prize. In fact, I didn't even know it was a contest. Haha. I just wanted to play the game since it was sponsored by Accenture. :)

Wednesday morning, I received a call saying that I won. Wahahaha!!!

However, I dropped it at the parking lot this evening, I'm glad it's still working perfectly though it now has some minor scratches. Awts. Just a day old but already wounded. Wahahaha!!!

That's it. Just wanted to share. :)

thinking

another monday. start of yet another looong week. it's the last week of training before we begin taking calls. i'm scared but i'm determined to be at the top of my game. i am very determined to make it right this time. even in my dreams, i see myself on training. am i getting addicted to it? i don't think so. maybe i'm just pushing myself too hard. i know i'm not supposed to put that much pressure on myself. it's just that i don't wanna get left behind. i wanna be the best at something. and i guess this is a good starting point. everyone knows it's not gonna be easy. but what the heck, i'll try my very best.

like i said, i feel like everything is falling into place. on that note though, i was threatened yet again by my lola's health. a few days back, i brought her to the emergency clinic since her bp was awfully low. and i was told by the doctor to have her confined. it was really scary for me because that was the last thing i had in mind. my lola was very frustrated that day. she even said, "mamatay na kung mamamatay...". i got really worried but my mom told me my lola was doing just fine and she decided not to bring her to the hospital, we observed instead.

fortunately, it didn't get serious. she's doing fine these days. i'm so glad she didn't have to be confined once again.

alright, hmm, what else? i'm starting to worry about us. we seem to be so perfect and it really feels good. however, i see relationships experiencing so many problems while ryan and i's relationship seems to be flawless - that it sometimes makes me think it's too good to be true. but i am so happy that i have complete and unconditional trust in him and this puts a stop to my worrying. i am sure everything is gonna be fine in the future, like the way it is now or even better.

i just wish for all the other couples out there to be as happy as we are. :) i'm not saying we don't have problems at all. you know, we do encounter some arguments at some point but it never gets worse. they remain just as silly as they are, until we laugh it out and everything goes back to normal - happiness. :)

well, life is good. at least for now. i hope it remains constant, if not... i expect it to be so much better. :)

Updates

it's been a looong time since I last created a blog containing juicy details regarding my life. i know you deserve to know what has happened since that dreadful day.

i am pleased to inform everyone that my lola is now doing fine. she spent 15 days at the hospital and it's a miracle how she was able to quickly recover from her stroke. now, she can move all by herself - without anyone paying close attention to her every move. i am so thankful to God for her speedy recovery. i couldn't thank Him enough. also, i would like to express my utmost appreciation for all the people who prayed for her as she went through all her suffering. my family wouldn't have made it if it weren't for all of you. thank you so much.

alright. now what about me? well, all i could say right now is that i am doing just fine. i'm still with ryan and the fire is still alive - not that it's ever gonna die. i know it's gonna burn forever. for as long as we both shall live. ryan held my hand through everything. he was there whether i needed him or not. thank you ryan for always being patient with me even though i didn't deserve any of it.

oh, and i have a job now. i can say that it's a "job" but i'm looking forward to calling it as my "career". i'm excited to get myself moving into the right direction and finally, i'm feeling that everything is working out just the way it should be.

i appreciate my life more. not only was i given another chance to spend more time with mama, i was also given another chance to start working again - giving me that sense of independence of some sorts.

there maybe a lot of obstacles along the way, patiently waiting for me to make my moves, but i'm absolutely sure that i'm gonna make it out of here alive. i may be wounded but love itself heals them all. and right now, my life is definitely full of love, thus happiness. :)

i'm wishing the same for all of you.

uh-oh

so much to feel...

...got nothing to say

I never...

I said I wanted my freedom.

But I never asked for whatever or whoever that holds me back to be taken away.

I said I wanted them to treat me like a young adult.

But I never thought I would cry like a baby on this fateful day.

I said I loved my family so much.

But I never thought my love for them was this deep.

I said I'm gonna be brave when the time comes.

But I never really was prepared for any of this.

I said I wouldn't have time to blog due to being busy doing a lot of things for tomorrow.

But I never realized how much it helps to release my tension through writing.

I said I love her and that I don't want her to suffer.

But I never said I'm gonna let go.

I will hold on to you Mama for as long as I could. So please hold me back and don't you ever let go.

Before July ends...

3 more days and it's August. I just felt that I needed to blog some more. I really have nothing important to say. I just thought of writing anyway.

Day after day after day is wasted just by doing nothing significant. Except for all those days - you know, those that I love. :)

So, what can I say? Hmm, I'm really frustrated I guess. Of the things that I want but can't have for now, maybe I should wait a little bit more. For all we know, it's just around the corner - waiting for the perfect time. :)

I dunno. I want everything to be in place. But I can't seem to make everything right. It's like waiting for something that's never gonna happen. It's really uncertain but I'm still hoping. I believe that an undying hope for something great is what gets you there. Just believe and it will come to you. :)

Yesterday... Today... Tomorrow... and all the days after

Yesterday, I held a garage sale. :) It was fun but it was also too hot outside. Argh!

Today, I got something I really wanted back. Yehey! At the expense of you know who. Kinda feeling guilty but I am sure I can repay him in many ways. :)

Tomorrow, I think I'm gonna start something really cool. I hope it turns out great!!!

all the days after that? I don't know. But I'm sure he'll always be by my side. Through everything, I know he'll be there. :) Yesssssssssssssssssssssssss!!! :)

MADMAN

Yes. You read right. I'm a madman. Extremely mad. But there's no one to blame. I can't even try to blame myself because it really wasn't my fault. It was supposed to work that way. It was supposed to be just fine. But what the??? Now everything is gone. Vanished. Never to return to me again.

What's worse is that now, I can't even use it. It's ruined. Maybe forever, if they don't get it fixed. I guess you are all mixed up right now. What the f... am I talking about? I don't care. I just want to release this madness I have inside because sooner or later I am going to explode.

Yes, I could blame myself for thinking of using it all of a sudden but I have the right to do so. I own it. I can use it whenever I want. It was supposed to work just fine. But it didn't. I'd have to return it, have it fixed if those people can. If not, then that's just another sum of money gone to waste.

Sigh. I want it all back. All those memories are now forever gone. I'd have to make new ones. Those that would attempt to recapture what I have lost tonight. Another long sigh... I don't know what to do. My day has just been totally ruined. What could make things worse than this?

Thanks for being my shock absorber for tonight. Til next time.

Should I or Should I Not?

I am thinking, should I go or not? I don't know. I can't think.

There's nothing to lose and much to gain. Wait, there's something to lose. Time and effort. So why bother? Wah! I don't know!

I don't know what to do. I think Mommy wants me to but I don't know what I want. Huhuhuhu.

I hope it's Thursday already. Fun day plus the day after that is Friday. Another fun day this week.

I am so excited. Wee. I guess you don't understand what I'm saying here. But I do. That's all that matters. Hehehe. :) Whatever, maybe I should go downstairs and grab something to drink, or maybe eat. Then I can turn on the tv and watch something worth my time. :)

See ya later. :)

Shane for Fighting

Why do I always start a fight? Do I need so much attention? Maybe I start silly fights so that he would notice me. Oh, not just notice - for him to really know I'm there and that I need him. Hahaha. So childish of me. After all this, I still think I'm just very much into him for me to be totally dramatic. I couldn't stand more than 2days of not seeing him. It makes me feel like he's getting farther and farther by the minute. It's not like he's not keeping in touch. It's just that I feel totally awful without him. Awts.

Today, we were supposed to meet but it didn't happen because I had to do some stuff with the family. We've been apart for 3days already and it's killing me. The last time I've been away for 1day longer than this was when I left for Bangkok. I was supposed to enjoy the trip but I missed him so much and that made me really unhappy despite of all the shopping I made.

Love, love, love... Sometimes, in loving someone, I guess you get to a point where you can no longer hold anything back. Like you're gonna explode into pieces due to this overwhelming feeling. That you never wanna be away from the other person. When you're apart, you feel that there's a certain void, yearning to be attended to. Your hand feels weird not having his holding you. Awts.

This is getting to be oh so senti. Hehehe. Better stop now. And try again next time. Wahahaha. :)

PS: I am sorry for starting fights with you. Don't worry, it's just that I love you so much. Yihee! :)

Lazy Thursday Afternoon

What a title? I am always lazy, every afternoon of everyday. What made all the difference? Nothing. Hahaha. :) Today, I was feeling eager to get back to work. But what type of work? I don't know and I am not sure. I am so waiting for Accenture's call. I hope they do because I'd really love to come back. Ryan said they've already met the two new girls added to Blue Flame in replacement of Noda and I, two girls who left the team. :(

It's sad knowing that they've already replaced us but what the heck, it's my fault anyway. I left for selfish and immature reasons. Which are obviously so invalid. I loved the team so much and I miss them everyday. I wish I never left. So today, I made a promise to myself that if I ever get blessed again to be teamed up with that type of bunch, I will never ever leave. Awts.

I know Ryan is sad because I'm not there to be with him everyday. But I feel worse knowing that we could have been much happier had I not left. Pls pls pls. I wanna go back. I know it's not that simple and it just doesn't work that way. Aww.

This morning, Olan, Allan, Julie, and Jaypee called me just as they got out of the office. It made me miss them more. I didn't get the chance to be with people like them from my previous job. People that I am comfortable with. I regret the day I got so hurt and decided to submit my resignation letter.

I guess writing all my emotions down makes my heart feel a little lighter. I know that I should be more careful with making decisions in my life because they could totally turn everything upside down. I know I should have thought about it for a long time. All the should have's... Argh!

I am listening to Neyo's Together over and over again because the first stanza and chorus really means a lot about Ryan and I's relationship. Except the 2nd part of the song which involves cheating and being a player once. Hahaha. We weren't anything like that. I miss him now. Aww. I miss him all the time.

I had a dream yesterday. Something from the past. Plus swimming pools. Haha. This morning, I dreamed of a house party, drinking and all until it got crazy, involving murders and other horrifying stuff. What does that mean? I don't know. It only means one thing, I've been sleeping a lot.

Til here. I'll see ya next time. ;) Oh, plus Daddy left today.

Eye Hurts = I Hurt

It's been a long time. But right now, I just wanted to write something so that maybe I can let some of it out. Today, I woke up really late for my dentist appointment. Not surprisingly, she was also late. I waited for about an hour or so only to be told that maybe I should set another appointment some other day since the dentist won't be coming very soon. I was really pissed because I hurriedly got out of bed even though I was still sleepy just so I could get there when the dentist is so not coming. I knew it was gonna be a bad day ahead from the dental clinic mishap. Oh, even from the moment I woke up since I rarely wake up late for important things I should attend to.

Ryan was also running late. He was supposed to be there by 11am but he overslept. I didn't get mad because I knew he had to sleep since he was tired at work. We headed to the eye doctor to have my eye checked out because there still remains a small lump under my eyelid after my "kuliti" back in April.

I was surprised to know that I was going to be operated. I was scared and a bit shaken up because I came there for a consult. The last thing I had in mind was to go through an operation especially with the fact that my mom wasn't there with me. Ryan was but you know it's different having your mom around during those times.

It hurt a lot. But the doctor was very nice. I just hope my eye gets better. I am supposed to remove the bandage tomorrow. It's hard to deal with life with only one eye, having my left eye covered. I'm just glad that Ryan was there running back and forth to the atm machine to get me some more money because what I initially brought wasn't enough to pay for the operation bill.

My mom and I got into a fight over the phone and I feel guilty because I shouldn't have said all the things I said that hurt her a lot when I know that she is gonna suffer by being forced to pay for my bills and medications since I am jobless. It's sad because she's celebrating her 57th bday 2 days from now and I've been such a jerk.

I'll have to make it up to her. I hope things get better soon.

Now my eye hurts a bit, but I hurt even more. Awts. Til next time.

First for June

Another long *sigh*. I am so frustrated. Some have achieved while others have failed. But today, what made it worse is that they still think I'm this little girl who cannot take care of herself. I am already 21 years old. Of legal age - even to gamble. But I'm not even talking about "me-wanting-to-enter-the-casino" gamble. I want to gamble with my life. I want to take full charge of it because this is mine. I'm not a kid anymore and people just have to realize that.

I know they care so much about me but their caring tends to be suffocating. I know they aren't strict and all but what they are doing to me is making my mind go crazy with all their talk. And so I'd rather lock myself up inside my room and only go out whenever I'm hungry or thirsty. Sometimes I even eat and drink inside my room only to avoid hearing what they have to say that I already know. Sigh.

I appreciate what they are trying to do but please, let me be. I know what's right from what is wrong. So let me decide on my own. I don't need anybody telling what to do because it only numbs my ears. I've heard it all before and I don't need to hear it again. I wish to get older so they may finally let go of me.

It's not funny anymore. I just wanna be with the person I love and each time I go out of the house, people keep asking me where I'm going. If I tell them I'm going out with him, would they let me? I don't think so. Because they keep negative thoughts in their minds about where I'm going and what I'm gonna do. I don't wanna lie. I just can't tell them everything because they wouldn't understand. It's just so frustrating. Sigh.

I wanna be free. I thought I was but still I'm tied down for only God knows how long. :( This is a sad life. Being with him is the only happiness I get. I wouldn't want anyone to take that away from me. Please, I beg of you. Set me free.

Boredom

Sigh... I know there are lots of things I could do but I just can't figure out which one to start. Hence, I'm just here, lying on my bed, wasting my time. I woke up past 11am, having no plans for the day and the rest of the week since Ryan and I agreed that we're going to see each other only after four days straight. We were together yesterday and we've planned to see each other on Saturday. Also, we are going for another swim this Sunday. This time, it's going to be with my relatives from the side of my father.

Also, I am now on my 4th day of dieting. It gets harder and harder each day. Ryan and I ate some great food yesterday and I especially adored the oreo cheesecake! Yummy! After that meal, I didn't eat for the rest of the day. Today I ate 2 bites of skyflakes, 3 small pcs of chocolates, and some soup. I guess that's enough to get me through the night. :) Tomorrow will even be a greater challenge. Sigh.

I didn't get anything done today. All I did was to use the computer the entire day. I need to get a life. I need to start soon but I don't know how. Maybe I'm just scared of failing again after all those times I've tried.

Back from Bangkok, Thailand

Hey. I know this has been long overdue but now is the only time I got the chance to write. So here goes. Before I left last Friday, Ryan sent me a short story and it was great. I fell in love with him all over again. It's true what Lindsey Strauss said that she loved the mind from which Lucas' book sprang from. Because that's exactly how I felt for Ryan's writings.

Anyway, back to the trip to Thailand, we waited at the airport for more or less two hours then we left. I was so hungry on the plane, good thing they had food. The last time I went to Bangkok, there was no food on the plane. Because it was Cebu Pacific. Hahaha. :) Now it's PAL. I loved the food, can you believe that? I guess it's because I was so hungry, I could appreciate anything. Hahaha. :)

We got to Thailand and stuff at the airport went smoothly. We immediately met our tour guide, Lan, and he sent us to our specific hotels while he waited for the others who lost their baggage. Good thing we didn't lose ours. :) I was more than pleased with the hotel because the last time I was in Bangkok, I was more than disappointed. The hotel we booked sucked big time and the bed - oh! I don't even want to think about it. Haha. :)

We shopped a lot and went to see some of the golden buddha's. We also went to the leather factory which I wasn't able to visit the first time I was there. Apparently, I was doomed to return to the Gems Gallery because it's mandatory for all tourists to go there. This time, there were no irritating salespeople because they were all busy catering to the overflowing number of tourists since it's peak season. :)

We shopped a lot more. Sigh. I love shopping. It makes me feel like I have so much to spend with so little time and only so much energy to make use of to carry all the stuff we bought. Going back to the hotel means resting time/shower time/sleeping time. Then off again to shop!!!

I loved being there for shopping and a little bit of touring but I was sad because I missed him so much. That's when I realized that I never want to be that far away from him again. Someday, I want to go back there with him so we can shop together and maybe he can carry all my stuff!!! Hahaha!!! :)

Our last day arrived and as soon as I woke up, I took a bath and headed down to the buffet. Afterwhich, I rested again then went straight to the airport for our 1:50pm Bangkok time flight only to find out that it has been delayed and delayed again, and again. We left Bangkok at almost 6pm already. We wasted our entire day at the airport instead of shopping for even more cheap stuff!!!

I'm glad my time there wasn't that wasted because we met some cool girls from the Phils. as well and we instantly became friends despite our age gap. :) Their names are Mardee and Malou. :) We talked a lot and I guess it has been the start of a great friendship since we decided to keep in touch by exchanging phone numbers and e-mail addresses. :)

We arrived home past 10pm, exhausted but excited to show Lolo and Mama and Adjie the stuff we bought for them. Slept really late but excited to see Ryan the following day for our 4th Monthsary. :)

I missed him so much. I heard my mom and dad are planning to go back but I guess I won't be coming along because I don't want to be far away from Ryan again. Aww. I just love him a lot and I hope his love for me would never change - no matter what. :)

Post Bday Sentiments

Hi. It's May 14 today and yesterday was my 21st bday. I woke up past 9am, if I remember it correctly. My family and I ate out. We certainly ate a lot. :) A great number of people remembered my bday and greeted me through calls and texts. It was such an amazing feeling knowing that a lot of people still care about another person's bday. Hahaha. :)

Anyway, last May 12, I got a new fone. It's a Samsung U700. But it meant giving up my dear Nokia 6300. We had to trade it in. It made me feel really sad because we've been through a lot together. I remember giving it to my brother only to take it back after a few weeks because I couldn't live without it. It's such a nice fone. I loved it, still do. I wish it would be sold to a person who would care for it as much as I do or even more. Aww. :(

I love my new fone. It's so stylish and elegant-looking. However, in terms of ease of use, I'd prefer my old fone. The 2.0MP camera of my Nokia 6300 is also great even if I were to compare it with my Samsung's 3.2 MP camera. Plus my Nokia had an FM radio unlike my Samsung. Aww. Sad. Okay, enough about fones. I'm just really trying to air out my sentiments regarding my fones.

Okay, back to my bday. Ryan came to my house. It was nice having him around although we got into a dramatic scene before he went home. We talked about it through midnight. It had been some serious talk. I was telling him that we keep talking but there's no substance. He thought that I was becoming bored of him but that isn't true. I love being with him. I just thought that maybe we should start to spice things up.

I don't know. I couldn't even figure out exactly what I want to happen. I just wanted to reassure him that my feelings haven't changed. I love him still. And last night, he told me so many things about how he felt and it really opened up my eyes to the reality that I have been blessed with a really great guy and I should be grateful for having him in my life.

Being 21 means that I should start acting maturely. I should stop being selfish and try to look into the future as what Ryan would always tell me. I used to say that we must live one day at a time but now I guess I have to prepare for the many days after today. I just have to because I know my future would be even more beautiful if it is planned with Ryan. Aww.

From fones to bday to love and future. That's what blogging is all about. Hahaha. :) I'm leaving on Friday. Will blog about it once I get back. See ya!

Back from Laguna

Hey. As promised, I'm going to let you know what happened during our long-awaited Laguna trip. We were scheduled to meet yesterday afternoon so all four cars could leave at the same time. But not everyone arrived on time. I was irritable due to the hot weather and I feel guilty for acting so childish. Ryan was telling me that he was just so excited to be with me, still I was being like that. I so want to be with him too but the weather was just too annoying.

Anyway, we left the meeting place past 5pm already when our supposed check-in time was at 6pm, leaving us less than an hour to get to the resort. Nearing the vicinity, it started raining real hard. It was becoming hard for any driver to see the road through the windshield. I'm just so thankful I didn't bring my own car because I would have suffered so much with the traffic and the raining. It felt great to be just a simple passenger at the backseat with my guy. :)

We stopped over to get some stuff and Ryan bought yummy pastillas. :) Again, yummy!!! I think it was already past 7pm when we got to the resort and the first thing that I had in mind was to jump right into the water. I was really yearning for a swim! And this is exactly what I did. After a few minutes in the water, I went to the bathroom only to find out that I have my period. What a disaster. Such a wrong-timing! This meant I could no longer swim otherwise it will become much like the red sea, if you know what I mean. Hehe. :)

I immediately freshened up, got ready for the expected long night ahead. We slept late that's why we got up late as well. I woke up this morning and decided to swim. I didn't care if I had my period. Heck, I came here to swim. Hahaha. :) We played some pool volley. It was fun. Also, I felt so safe each time I get to deeper areas because I know Ryan is there to save me just in case. :) I feel safe in his arms. Aww. :)

After some more minutes, I got out of the pool and decided to take a real bath. Afterwhich, we slept again. Got out of bed just when we were about to leave. I arrived home at around 7pm. The trip assessment? The place was nice, the people have been nice to me as well. They're just so open about a lot of things which somehow surprised me in some ways. I even told Ryan about this. But all is good. :) Thank God they dropped me home. :)

As soon as I got to my room, I began crying. I am already missing him. What the? We were just hand in hand a few minutes ago? How in love could I be? Aww. Anyway, I'm going to see him tomorrow. Yey! Can't wait to be with him again. Aww... Alright then, I'll see you soon. :)

Thank God It's Friday! :)

At long last, it's Friday already... meaning Saturday is just another night's sleep away. I am so excited for tomorrow. You know why? We are going out of town. Well, not so far out of town. We are headed to Laguna tomorrow with Ryan and his cousins. I get so giddy thinking about it. I haven't gone on an outing for quite a while that's why I'm so hyped up. :) I know it will be fun because Ryan is going to be with me. Anyway, as usual, I woke up past 11am and I immediately took a bath. :) Afterwhich, I opened the ref and took out stuff that I'd be needing for my recipe of the day. :) I was determined to cook. :)

Cooking after bathing was quite ironic because just when I've gotten myself cleaned up, there I was making a mess of myself. Hahaha. :) But it was worth the perspiring because my family liked the dish. :) Or at least they pretended to like it. Haha. Anyway, after lunch, I went back to my room to find something productive to do. Somehow, I decided to turn the tv on while I find something worthwhile. I came across HBO and the movie Last Holiday was just about to begin. I watched it and it was really nice. I decided to download a copy of it so I could show the movie to my family as well. :) I also downloaded Day Watch and Night Watch because Ryan asked me to.

Lolo and I played some Bingo again and neither of us won or lost - which was still great because we had so much fun while playing. This afternoon, I came across a blog of a collegue and her blog was very funny. I can sense that she is a really great girl with a really great attitude. :) She obvioulsy speaks what's on her mind and I love it. I wish I could do just the same. :) I guess it has something to do with her blogging frequency. She has a lot of posts and they are all outrageous. :) I wish someone would feel the same about my blog someday. :)

Anyway, I was thinking maybe I should prepare some food that we could bring for tomorrow's outing but Ryan told me he and his cousins have already gone to the grocery to get our food. So maybe, I wouldn't have to cook anything after all. I don't know. But guess what, I am having so much fun while cooking. :) I can't believe it. And what's even greater is that Last Holiday showcased a theme related to cooking which I think is just a coincidence since I am now beginning to like it. :) Or maybe it is a sign that I should start getting serious about it. Hmmm. What do you think?

My lola was asking me if I am currently looking for a new job which is near our home. I said that I wasn't looking yet and that maybe I was planning to start a business - which I still know nothing about. I don't want to look for another job because of fear that I might make another mistake of choosing a job which would also depress me after a few months or so. I want something substantial, something of my own. I don't think that I will ever find happiness in being an employee of someone else. I want to start something on my own. I know it would involve risks but doesn't everyone need to take any risks every once in a while? I love taking risks. :) It's just so exciting.

Anyway, back to tomorrow's event, I just hope I'd be able to get along with his cousins. :) Because when Ryan met my relatives, he did really great. He was loved most by the kids because he was trying to teach them all how to solve the rubix cube. He even gave his to my little cousin, Nicole. Nicole is such a sweet girl. When you ask her to pose for a picture, you will never have to repeat yourself because she would pose for you in an instant. :) Great kid. :)

Most of all, I am excited to get myself in the water. Hahaha. :) Next week, I'm going back to Thailand. :) I am also excited about it. But that means I won't get to see Ryan for four days straight. Aww. :( Anyway, I gotta run. I have to find something else to do. I'll make a post as soon as I get back so that I can narrate everything that transpired in Laguna. :) I'll see you soon. :)

It's my B-day today! BUM day!!! :)

Today, I woke up past 11am. Went straight downstairs to grab something to eat. I immediately thought about my cream puffs! My brother mentioned he ate three pieces last night. I'm glad he didn't eat them all. :) I ate some yummy spaghetti too. After eating, we played Bingo. Yes. Bingo! And I won some coins. Yey! I surfed the internet for some time and I came across a recipe site and I printed out some of those that looked easy to prepare. After that, I decided to cook. Hahaha. Yes, I did. And it was fun. But most of all, the outcome? Mommy and Mama said it tasted great. :) I felt proud. At least I did something productive even though it's a bum day. Hahaha. :)

Ryan woke up before 4pm and he texted me. We talked and he said he was going to take a bath and prepare to go to work. That's when I was getting busy with my cooking stint. Later this afternoon, my mom complained about my expenses using her credit card. I felt awful knowing that I didn't have enough money to repay her especially now that I am jobless - which is out of my own decision to quit my job.

It just wasn't that satisfying for me. And most of all, I was very unhappy with the environment. On top of that, the workload is just too much for me. I don't know. I could name a lot of reasons why I must quit, and I couldn't find any reason why I should stay. So I guess there's nothing to regret. I love my life now. I am free to do what I want with my very precious time. I could sleep late and consequently wake up late as well. I so luvet. :)

While surfing the net - trying to look for the resort where we'd be going this weekend, I came across a site designed to market great houses per location. There's this one house and it costs, well, only, ahem, P38.7M. That's a lot! I was like, I really want to buy the house for myself. But what the, where am I going to get that huge amount of money? I texted Ryan about it and he said, when we hit the Lotto jackpot, he's going to buy it. But what are the chances of winning when he's not even buying any tickets? Haha. :) My lolo and lola keep buying Lotto tickets and today, theirs didn't win any substantial amount. But heck, we could try again next time. :)

I so want the house. It's so pretty. I used to tell myself that I don't need a big house. All I want is some decent place where I could stay. But when I saw the house, it was really jaw-dropping. The house was empty but it still looked great even without any furniture. Plus, it has a pool and a garage for seven cars. Wow. Parking my car there would be easy even if I'm wearing a blindfold. Hahaha. :)

Okay, I don't need that house. I just find it so beautiful. Jason Castro once said, "dreams do come true, so dream BIG!". This line is going to inspire me from this day forward. :) Happy B-day to me. :)