Updates

it's been a looong time since I last created a blog containing juicy details regarding my life. i know you deserve to know what has happened since that dreadful day.

i am pleased to inform everyone that my lola is now doing fine. she spent 15 days at the hospital and it's a miracle how she was able to quickly recover from her stroke. now, she can move all by herself - without anyone paying close attention to her every move. i am so thankful to God for her speedy recovery. i couldn't thank Him enough. also, i would like to express my utmost appreciation for all the people who prayed for her as she went through all her suffering. my family wouldn't have made it if it weren't for all of you. thank you so much.

alright. now what about me? well, all i could say right now is that i am doing just fine. i'm still with ryan and the fire is still alive - not that it's ever gonna die. i know it's gonna burn forever. for as long as we both shall live. ryan held my hand through everything. he was there whether i needed him or not. thank you ryan for always being patient with me even though i didn't deserve any of it.

oh, and i have a job now. i can say that it's a "job" but i'm looking forward to calling it as my "career". i'm excited to get myself moving into the right direction and finally, i'm feeling that everything is working out just the way it should be.

i appreciate my life more. not only was i given another chance to spend more time with mama, i was also given another chance to start working again - giving me that sense of independence of some sorts.

there maybe a lot of obstacles along the way, patiently waiting for me to make my moves, but i'm absolutely sure that i'm gonna make it out of here alive. i may be wounded but love itself heals them all. and right now, my life is definitely full of love, thus happiness. :)

i'm wishing the same for all of you.

uh-oh

so much to feel...

...got nothing to say

I never...

I said I wanted my freedom.

But I never asked for whatever or whoever that holds me back to be taken away.

I said I wanted them to treat me like a young adult.

But I never thought I would cry like a baby on this fateful day.

I said I loved my family so much.

But I never thought my love for them was this deep.

I said I'm gonna be brave when the time comes.

But I never really was prepared for any of this.

I said I wouldn't have time to blog due to being busy doing a lot of things for tomorrow.

But I never realized how much it helps to release my tension through writing.

I said I love her and that I don't want her to suffer.

But I never said I'm gonna let go.

I will hold on to you Mama for as long as I could. So please hold me back and don't you ever let go.

Before July ends...

3 more days and it's August. I just felt that I needed to blog some more. I really have nothing important to say. I just thought of writing anyway.

Day after day after day is wasted just by doing nothing significant. Except for all those days - you know, those that I love. :)

So, what can I say? Hmm, I'm really frustrated I guess. Of the things that I want but can't have for now, maybe I should wait a little bit more. For all we know, it's just around the corner - waiting for the perfect time. :)

I dunno. I want everything to be in place. But I can't seem to make everything right. It's like waiting for something that's never gonna happen. It's really uncertain but I'm still hoping. I believe that an undying hope for something great is what gets you there. Just believe and it will come to you. :)

Yesterday... Today... Tomorrow... and all the days after

Yesterday, I held a garage sale. :) It was fun but it was also too hot outside. Argh!

Today, I got something I really wanted back. Yehey! At the expense of you know who. Kinda feeling guilty but I am sure I can repay him in many ways. :)

Tomorrow, I think I'm gonna start something really cool. I hope it turns out great!!!

all the days after that? I don't know. But I'm sure he'll always be by my side. Through everything, I know he'll be there. :) Yesssssssssssssssssssssssss!!! :)

MADMAN

Yes. You read right. I'm a madman. Extremely mad. But there's no one to blame. I can't even try to blame myself because it really wasn't my fault. It was supposed to work that way. It was supposed to be just fine. But what the??? Now everything is gone. Vanished. Never to return to me again.

What's worse is that now, I can't even use it. It's ruined. Maybe forever, if they don't get it fixed. I guess you are all mixed up right now. What the f... am I talking about? I don't care. I just want to release this madness I have inside because sooner or later I am going to explode.

Yes, I could blame myself for thinking of using it all of a sudden but I have the right to do so. I own it. I can use it whenever I want. It was supposed to work just fine. But it didn't. I'd have to return it, have it fixed if those people can. If not, then that's just another sum of money gone to waste.

Sigh. I want it all back. All those memories are now forever gone. I'd have to make new ones. Those that would attempt to recapture what I have lost tonight. Another long sigh... I don't know what to do. My day has just been totally ruined. What could make things worse than this?

Thanks for being my shock absorber for tonight. Til next time.

Should I or Should I Not?

I am thinking, should I go or not? I don't know. I can't think.

There's nothing to lose and much to gain. Wait, there's something to lose. Time and effort. So why bother? Wah! I don't know!

I don't know what to do. I think Mommy wants me to but I don't know what I want. Huhuhuhu.

I hope it's Thursday already. Fun day plus the day after that is Friday. Another fun day this week.

I am so excited. Wee. I guess you don't understand what I'm saying here. But I do. That's all that matters. Hehehe. :) Whatever, maybe I should go downstairs and grab something to drink, or maybe eat. Then I can turn on the tv and watch something worth my time. :)

See ya later. :)