thinking

another monday. start of yet another looong week. it's the last week of training before we begin taking calls. i'm scared but i'm determined to be at the top of my game. i am very determined to make it right this time. even in my dreams, i see myself on training. am i getting addicted to it? i don't think so. maybe i'm just pushing myself too hard. i know i'm not supposed to put that much pressure on myself. it's just that i don't wanna get left behind. i wanna be the best at something. and i guess this is a good starting point. everyone knows it's not gonna be easy. but what the heck, i'll try my very best.

like i said, i feel like everything is falling into place. on that note though, i was threatened yet again by my lola's health. a few days back, i brought her to the emergency clinic since her bp was awfully low. and i was told by the doctor to have her confined. it was really scary for me because that was the last thing i had in mind. my lola was very frustrated that day. she even said, "mamatay na kung mamamatay...". i got really worried but my mom told me my lola was doing just fine and she decided not to bring her to the hospital, we observed instead.

fortunately, it didn't get serious. she's doing fine these days. i'm so glad she didn't have to be confined once again.

alright, hmm, what else? i'm starting to worry about us. we seem to be so perfect and it really feels good. however, i see relationships experiencing so many problems while ryan and i's relationship seems to be flawless - that it sometimes makes me think it's too good to be true. but i am so happy that i have complete and unconditional trust in him and this puts a stop to my worrying. i am sure everything is gonna be fine in the future, like the way it is now or even better.

i just wish for all the other couples out there to be as happy as we are. :) i'm not saying we don't have problems at all. you know, we do encounter some arguments at some point but it never gets worse. they remain just as silly as they are, until we laugh it out and everything goes back to normal - happiness. :)

well, life is good. at least for now. i hope it remains constant, if not... i expect it to be so much better. :)

Updates

it's been a looong time since I last created a blog containing juicy details regarding my life. i know you deserve to know what has happened since that dreadful day.

i am pleased to inform everyone that my lola is now doing fine. she spent 15 days at the hospital and it's a miracle how she was able to quickly recover from her stroke. now, she can move all by herself - without anyone paying close attention to her every move. i am so thankful to God for her speedy recovery. i couldn't thank Him enough. also, i would like to express my utmost appreciation for all the people who prayed for her as she went through all her suffering. my family wouldn't have made it if it weren't for all of you. thank you so much.

alright. now what about me? well, all i could say right now is that i am doing just fine. i'm still with ryan and the fire is still alive - not that it's ever gonna die. i know it's gonna burn forever. for as long as we both shall live. ryan held my hand through everything. he was there whether i needed him or not. thank you ryan for always being patient with me even though i didn't deserve any of it.

oh, and i have a job now. i can say that it's a "job" but i'm looking forward to calling it as my "career". i'm excited to get myself moving into the right direction and finally, i'm feeling that everything is working out just the way it should be.

i appreciate my life more. not only was i given another chance to spend more time with mama, i was also given another chance to start working again - giving me that sense of independence of some sorts.

there maybe a lot of obstacles along the way, patiently waiting for me to make my moves, but i'm absolutely sure that i'm gonna make it out of here alive. i may be wounded but love itself heals them all. and right now, my life is definitely full of love, thus happiness. :)

i'm wishing the same for all of you.